Got a bit flustered when trying to work out how to private message one of the players, while framing a scene, and stumbled a bunch of times, lost my place. Rambled semi-coherently, becoming more and more self-aware.

Eventually I opened our Slack channel to try and message them there, but was by then running a few trains of thought simultaneously, overanalysing my behaviour, not finishing sentences (in reality this probably only lasted a few seconds).

I looked at the Slack chat and the last message on there was,
"He's faffing about with it too much"

Oh my god, they're talking about my MCing in chat, they think I'm doing a terrible job. They're right about it, but now i'm hyper-self-aware. - i'm pretty much having a minor panic attack now.
I'm Playing To Find Out What Happens (When You Have Tunnel Vision).

I'm carrying on. I think we're all pretending everything's ok, just so we can get to a point where they can leave politely.
An hour of this pretence and the session ends, and I breath out for what seems like the first time in over 60minutes. We wrap up quietly and leave Hangouts.

I check Slack and the same message is still there, timestamped 17:53. Two hours before the game started. It was a valid point in a conversation about a completely unrelated topic, hours before.

uuggghhh. what a stupid brain. I feel sick for making myself sick.

And I can't believe i've built trust with these people only to distrust them as soon as I start to feel insecure.

The players are all really nice. And all played openly and well! It was all only inside my head and I expect they would be surprised to read this. 

Hard Moves:
Leap to the worst possible conclusion
Trigger their Darkest Self
Herald the abyss
This is an account of the events from the first session of Monsterhearts - Cold Cheer High.
I have tried for an approach wherein I describe the main action, and the players fill in their characters' experiences, thoughts and feelings. I think this could work as a format, but I need to keep the players engaged.

The pulp-trash style in which it is written was not purposeful, it's just my trashy writing. But it works really well for this game.

This was written in part because we have a new player joining for session 2 and it would help them adjust to the story.
just MC'd my first session. Monsterhearts was really really fun for me thank you for playing with me +Robert Ruthven and +Eadwin Tomlinson and +Isa Wills - i learned a lot and will improve. i surprised myself by getting storylines to pretty much make sense.  hope i do a proper write-up of it.

My favourite thing I did was giving Isa's Werewolf Johnny a Big Choice and my favourite thing that happened was The Witch and The Fury having a heart-to-heart in a hearse as they followed The Werewolf on a motorcycle to the taxidermist's shop

and then i ate a tub of ice cream and then i went to bed
Monsterhearts is a game about the messy lives of teenage monsters.
I chose to run it as my first game because I feel close to the subject matter and I love the design of the game.